Blagh

I kind of don't want to sleep even though I'm already sleepy because I know sleep seems so short and when I wake up tomorrow (later) it's already the start of second semester, and I am both excited and nervous about it at the same time.

Excited because I could be more productive and I've chosen to do well in my studies so I can graduate already and nervous because of the same thing -- I'm a bit frightened that I won't do well and that I won't meet my own expectations. I want to prove other people wrong and show them I can do it; if I put my mind to it, I can be great as well. But I'm scared I won't live up to that anymore. Looks like I haven't gotten my self-confidence back fully. *sigh*

We're also putting up this org for animal welfare and the environment in our college, so the first hurdle is to get it approved. And since I'm going to be the president, juggling that with the added responsibilities is a bit terrifying. I could do all the preparations hands down, but I'm not a very charismatic person and I'm socially awkward, so that's going to be my main problem.

Then I realized, the word "fear" (and its synonyms) can be found in this post almost everywhere you look. Isn't fear supposed to be a great motivation?

So, I decided to think of my future and how bleak it'll look if I don't pull myself together -- where I'll end up, where my friends will be while I'm struggling to make ends meet, the shame and the financial burden it'll place on my family and me. Those things are more frightening than all my earlier fears, so I've decided to just suck it up and get my act together! C'mon, Nicole. YOU CAN DO THIS.

AJA!!

Now the very first hurdle is to get up at 6 in the morning for my 9 am class.

... -_-;