Sadly, due to certain circumstances, our family cannot adopt Bip permanently.
So, on October 14 2011, Bip and I spent our last day together.
Bip, Tootsie, and I spent the entire day together playing and having fun (well, THEY would play. The human just stands by and laughs and sometimes plays along). I really couldn't do much to separate those two once they've started the playing. I had to supervise at all times though because, as stated in my previous entry, Bip has surprisingly sharp teeth and can puncture Tootsie's big eyes. Fortunately, it didn't happen.
Come night time, Bip and I decided to sleep in my room; just the two of us. I wanted to monopolize Bip's presence and sweetness for as much as I can with the little time I had left. After all, she was going to go back to her foster parent and there is a good chance I may never see her again (except on photo updates). It actually made me cry because Bip has left such a dent on my life for the past 4 days that she stayed with us. I can't explain what exactly it is -- maybe it's her loud personality or her inspiring zest of energy and sense of normality despite her physical lackings. Whatever it is, I can't really put my finger on it. But the thought of not having to see Bip curl her ears in happiness or her wet-nosed kisses or her voracious appetite or her high-pitched bark -- it was enough to break my heart ten times over.
Some of you may be wondering why I've invested such emotional attachment to a dog I have been with for only four days, and some of you may be thinking I am overreacting over a "mere" dog. Even if I tell you, you will never understand until you've felt it for yourself.
Bip has such an energy and sweetness about her that it's impossible not to open your heart to her and let her in forever, if not your home; she has this way of creeping inside your heart and staying there permanently -- this small creature who has suffered from different ailments such as ehrlichia (a tick-based disease) which affected her RBC, which made her anemic and in turn affected her appetite. From what I have known, she has had owner before. If she was neglected this much physically, I think she has been neglected emotionally as well. That may be one of the causes of her being territorial of certain people and her insecurity towards other dogs (masked entirely in loud barks) and being left alone. And despite her obvious physical difference from other 'normal' dogs, as far as she's concerned, she's normal -- she can fend for herself, defend herself from other dogs (even bigger ones). But once you leave her, she weeps and whimpers like a lost child, proof of how she needs close emotional ties with her human. She's just like a normal human child. Truly, you would give your heart to her almost in a trance. At first she annoys the heck out of you, but before you know it your heart is completely won over by this little one.
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| The morning of the day to return Bip. Curling her ears because I am FINALLY awake and so we can play . lol |
The morning of the day I was going to return Bip, she greeted me with her earls curled when she sensed I was stirring and opened my eyes and cooed at her; it was one of the very few mornings I had this conflicting emotion of happiness and so much sadness.
As we got in the car, she was quiet albeit affectionate. She ate only 1/3 of her food, which was unusual for her. I'd like to think she 'sensed' what was about to happen. When the building of her original foster parent was on sight, she curled her ears and whimpered! I was sad -- too sad -- but I was delighted she knew and never forgot her home and the kind human who took her in and did all she could to restore her back to health and genuinely loved her as I have. The moment I handed Bip over to her, the curled ears appeared and gave her foster parent so many kisses. I was a tiny bit jealous, but I was happy. At least I know Bip is in good hands.
With a heavy heart, I went out of the building's lobby and into the car. I was thankful I had my sunglasses with me. I couldn't have hidden my eyes brimming with tears from the driver. The last scene I saw was Bip happily together with her original foster parent again.
You might think me bad, but for the first two days, when I would give Tootsie kisses, I'd impulsively think of Bip. When I scold Tootsie, 'Bip' is the name that came out of my mouth. Truly, I felt like a cheating lover in a way. Hours, days, weeks passed. My loneliness over Bip's departure slowly drained out of my system, but from time to time, I would find myself wondering about Bip.
Here is a video of all the videos I managed to take of Bip during her brief but important stay with me. This won't explain what I felt towards her (not even this lengthy blog post), but I hope it can convey the happiness I managed to achieve through and with Bip. She will always, always have a place in my heart. Always.
I hope you find the loving, permanent home you deserve, Bip. I wish you nothing but the best in your journey. I love you..
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