I remember this fairy tale I didn't like as a kid; I'm sure almost everyone is familiar with this fairy tale -- Cinderella. Why I didn't like it, I'm not sure. But that's a tale for another time. 

For now, let's rewind to the past. From what I can remember, these two step-sisters tried to fit their foot into a single shoe, hoping to fill the role of the prince's future wife. I always found it peculiar and a trifle foolish. I mean, why would you try to fit into a shoe that you know will never fit? 

Now let's return to the present. With everything that's been going on, I feel like the two step-sisters -- trying to fit into a shoe that will never fit; trying on a role they were never suited for but still anxiously and desperately hoping they can be what they were never meant to be. I feel inadequate. I feel miserable. I feel defeated.

But see, here's the thing. If I can't fit into that shoe, then why not just buy another one? One that is just my size. Why would I try to confine myself to something? If the shoe doesn't fit, throw it away, donate it, burn it -- but don't keep it. Squeezing your foot into a shoe not your size is painful at least and humiliating at best.

I guess, what I'm trying to say is that even though I may not live up to others' standards, I am my own person. I will not bow down to pressure, expectations, or even my own insecurity -- all of those I threw out of the window a few hours ago. I will be a person who enjoys a waltz with challenges and a battle with expectations.

Whatever anyone's expectations of me are, whether positive or negative, will be noted but not dwelled upon. So for those who think I can't do it, and for I who think that I cannot do it; that I am squeezing into a shoe that will never fit -- just wait till I prove you wrong. I'll smash that fragile glass and buy myself a five-inch red leather patent pumps that fit snugly and watch me sashay down that street with a confident smile and a cheeky twinkle in my eyes, knowing I've triumphed over you and myself. 

I am not those two step-sisters who tried to squeeze into a shoe not their size. I am not Cinderella who waited for someone to rescue her. I am not the cat who tried to eat those nice rats (if I am ever to be a cat, I would be the most physically affectionate one. Preferably with a black coat and deep blue eyes). 

I am me. No one can define me; no one can bring me down -- not even my own self

Always and Forever

I may not write professionally, but what I do know is that I write with whatever intensity my emotion has while I type furiously at the keyboard or write at full speed to jot down what I truly feel. I don’t write as frequently as I would hope, but when I do, I write with all my heart and soul I can offer.  

Hence, reading past messages from me to my (now) ex-boyfriend quite jarred me -- I was completely in love with him.

I mean, I know I love him, I still do.  I know that much. But I never thought it was that deep and lingering and…sweet -- and passionate. As I was browsing through my sent emails, trying to find it in me if I could erase them, I decided to read through them one by one just to see what I had written and to let what we had permeate through me.  But what I read completely took me by surprise. I was in love. I was completely and utterly in love.

I know it’s not the most comforting thing in the world right now. I just went through a breakup of my own doing, and coming face to face with the past isn’t really the right thing to do as of the moment. (i.e. it may influence my decisions, blah) But, oddly enough, a sense of relief washed over me.

What I’m doing isn’t wrong – neither is it right. But I do know that I have to do this; that I am doing it for the both of us, even though we may not see it clearly now. I know some people won’t understand, but it is something that concerns me as well. I had to get out before my issues hurt the both of us in the long run.

But that is not why I’m relieved. I’m relieved because at least I know that what we felt was real; what I felt for him was real. And, even as we try to move on with our lives as strangers like we were before we met, I know I will always hold that in my heart; that what we had wasn’t ‘just something’ – that, for a time, it was everything. At least I know that even though we will be going our separate ways, we once had a love that was true and gut-wrenching and almost unbreakable -- something that freed us from the harsh realities of the world when we sought solace in each other. At least, even if someday we pass by each other at a street or at a mall, wearing a different kind of smile we knew from before and, possibly, another person linked in our arms, we once knew that kind of love -- our love.

And that, at the very least, will forever remain with me – even if ‘we’ didn’t reach always and forever.

WTA45 'Kira Kira' (brown) Lenses Review

I know I did a brief review on these lenses a while back, but I thought they were a bit short so I decided to do a more detailed review on them.

Here they are under natural light:

I have to say, I love this pair of lenses! They blend well with the natural color of my eyes, giving them a very natural look with the enlarging effect. As mentioned before though, I am not comfortable with lenses, so my eyes get veeeeeeery sleepy after about two hours or so. I don't know if that happens with anyone else. lol. So for comfort's sake, I don't use it very often. Maybe once every month. 

And these photos show how they look like under normal lighting:

Normal eyes ^ (sorry my eyes look so worn out)

Annnnd with circle lenses on. Not much of a difference save for the size. Neat, eh? 

 Overall, I really, really LOVE these lenses. They are so natural-looking and so enlarging. /please Comfort, of course, is still 50/50 for me. But I guess that's just between my eyes and I. haha. I would recommend this if you have naturally brown eyes and you just want that enlarging effect without those unnatural-looking designs. Of course, they have a variety of colors to choose from, so again, if you just want the enlarging effect without compromising the natural beauty of your eyes, go for this design. I highly recommend it. /blush